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❝My philosophy
like colour TV
is all there
in black and white❞
Monty Python

Quotes, Aphorisms, Laws, and Thoughts


After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse.
W.C. Fields (1879-1946)

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W.C. Fields (1879-1946)

Are you getting fit or having one?

Early to bed
Early to rise
These are the reasons
Why a man dies.

Early to rise and early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead.
James Thurber (1894-1961)

Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway.

Health food is anything you eat before the expiry date.

Health is having the same diseases as your neighbours.
Quentin Crisp (1908-1999)

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Hospital is a place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill.

I drive too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright (1955- )

If I'd known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.
Eubie Blake (1887-1983)

Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)

Square meals often make round people.
E. Joseph Cossman (1918-2002)

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman.
Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)

There are only two reasons for anyone to run: away from enemies and to the toliet.

Whatever happens to you, it will previously have happened to everyone you know, only more so.

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