“My philosophy
like colour TV
is all there
in black and white”
Monty Python

Quotes, Aphorisms, Laws, and Thoughts
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 All the Guys Who Turn Me on Turn Me Down 
 Although You're Thirty, I Still Think You're Purty 
 And There Was Grandma, Swingin' on the Outhouse Door, Without a Shirt On 
 At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump 
 Does the Spearmint Lose Its Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight? 
 Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat 
 From the Gutter to You Ain't Up 
 Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind 
 Her Teeth Were Stained, but Her Heart Was Pure 
 How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away? 
 I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me? 
 I Can't Take Your Body if Your Heart's Not in It 
 I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling 
 I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here 
 I Flushed You From the Toilet of My Heart 
 I Got in at 2 With a 10 and Woke Up at 10 With a 2 
 I got what I wanted but I lost everything that I had. 
 I Still Miss You, Baby, but My Aim's Gettin' Better 
 I Would Have Answered Your Letter Sooner, but You Didn't Send One 
 I'll Marry You Tomorrow but Let's Honeymoon Tonite 
 I'm Just a Bug on the Windshield of Life 
 I'm Old Enough to Know Better but I'm Still Too Young to Care. 
 I'm Two Beers Away From a Beautiful Day 
 I've Got Hair Oil on My Ears and My Glasses Are Slipping Down, but Baby I Can See Through You 
 If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me Her Memory Will 
 If I Can't Find Mister Right, I'll Settle for Mister Right Now 
 If I Got a Dollar for Every Time I Thought About You, I'd Probably Start Thinking About You 
 If I Had Shot You When I Wanted to, I'd Be Out by Now 
 If I Had to Do It All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You 
 If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me? 
 If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me 
 If Today Was a Fish, I'd Throw It Back In 
 If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead? 
 If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too? 
 If You Won't Leave Me Alone, I'll Find Someone Who Will 
 Mama Get the Hammer (There's a Fly on Papa's Head) 
 My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him 
 She Got the Goldmine, I Got the Shaft 
 She Got the Ring and I Got the Finger 
 Take Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, I'm Trying to Kiss You Goodbye 
 Tennis Must Be Your Racket 'Cause Love Means Nothin' to You 
 Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off 
 Thanks to the Cathouse, I'm in the Doghouse With You 
 The Weather Is Here, I Wish You Were Beautiful 
 Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart 
 What Made Milwaukee Famous Has Made a Loser Out of Me 
 You Are the North End of a Southbound Pig 
 You Can't Deal Me All the Aces and Expect Me Not to Play 
 You Can't Have Your Kate and Edith Too 
 You Were Only a Splinter as I Slid Down the Bannister of Life 
 You're Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without 
 You're Ruining My Bad Reputation 
 You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly