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❝My philosophy
like colour TV
is all there
in black and white❞
Monty Python

Quotes, Aphorisms, Laws, and Thoughts


A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Mitch Ratliffe

A country's constitution is only a local ordinance in cyberspace.
Tim May

A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.

Any robot sufficiently intelligent to clean dishes is too intelligent to clean dishes.
David Zindell (1952- )

Anyone who has lost track of time when using a computer knows the propensity to dream, the urge to make dreams come true and the tendency to miss lunch.
Tim Berners-Lee (1955- )

Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.

Artificial Intelligence is the study of how to make real computers act like the ones in movies.

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
Conrad Weisert

At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer, you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.

Bugs are sons of glitches.

Bugs come in through open Windows.

Buses stop at bus stations, trains at train stations, and my desk has a workstation.

By the time you've sorted out a complicated idea into little steps that even a stupid machine can deal with, you've learned something about it yourself.
Douglas Adams (1952-2001)

Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.
Edsger Dijkstra (1930-2002)

Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.

Computers are not intelligent: they only think they are.

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)

Computers follow your orders, not your intentions.

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

Don't anthropomorphise computers: they hate that.

Hardware is the part of a computer system that can be kicked and software is the part that can only be screamed at.

I believe OS/2 is destined to be the most important operating system, and possibly program, of all time.
Bill Gates (1955- )

I really hate this damned machine
I wish they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want
But only what I tell it.

If there's artificial intelligence, there's bound to be some artificial stupidity.

In an open source world without walls and fences we don't need Windows and Gates.

Information is any difference that makes a difference.
Gregory Bateson (1904-1980)

Is a 5.25 floppy better than a 3.5 hard?

It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.

Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.

Linux: because rebooting is for adding new hardware.

Never allow a computer to know you're in a hurry.

Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway.
Andy Tanenbaum (1944- )

Osborn's Law: Constants aren't; variables won't.

Putt's Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.
Archibald Putt

RAM disk is not an installation procedure.

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.
Arthur C. Clarke (1917-2008)

Real programs don't eat cache.

Real stupidity will beat artificial intelligence every time.
Terry Pratchett (1948-2004)

Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF

Smith & Wesson had the original point and click interface.

The Internet is proof that a million monkeys with a million typewriters can't write Hamlet.
Robert Wilensky

The next generation of interesting software will be done on the Macintosh, not the IBM PC.
Bill Gates (1955- )

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Edsger Dijkstra (1930-2002)

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

There's no place like

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

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